Heat of the Moment
by astarte-lydianna
Summary: Bella/Jacob/Edward love triange. Who will she choose? Edward leaves and Jacob makes his move, Bella can't seem to say no to him. Edward comes back and suddenly she has a difficult decision to make. *Revised* with some steaminess
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of the Twilight Saga or the plot. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am only borrowing them for my own amusement.

Author's Notes: This is a Bella/Edward and Bella/Jacob fic showing how she chooses between them. If you want the full uncut version check it out on this is a heavily edited version because all the sex scenes have been cut out.

Part One: somewhere in the book new moon

~Bella POV~

Jake and I had gotten close gradually since Edward had left. Actually that was a lie, since I had decided to leave my room and start speaking to people again was more accurate. He was my best friend and my distraction from everything Edward. La Push was somewhere the Cullens never went and so didn't remind me of them. So the time I spent with Jacob in La Push was almost like taking myself out of my painful reality and jumping into a different world where they really did never exist. Edwards words when he left still haunted me. How could it be as if they never existed? I had walked up and seen their house. It was still there. Whether it was empty or not it was still their home. I couldn't picture anyone else there so as long as it was there it was a reminder. I would stare at their table during lunch at school. I would look to my window at night expecting him to appear through it. It would never be as if he never existed anywhere but La Push with Jacob.

So here I sat talking with Jacob, in his car, in his garage, away from the pain of reality.

(Authors note: there is a little bit here taken straight out he book to try and make it fit in a bit better so i take no credit for that bit xx)

My head started to spin-I couldn't seem to pull in the oxygen from the air. No lungs.

Jacob was entirely in control now, very still beside me.

"Why do you do that?" he asked. He tugged lightly at one of my arms, which was bound around my chest, and then gave up when it wouldn't come loose easily. I hadn't even realised I'd moved them. "You do that when you're upset. Why?"

"It hurts to think about them," I whispered. "It's like I can't breathe...like I'm breaking into pieces..." It was bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now. We had no more secrets.

He smoothed my hair. "It's okay, Bella, it's okay. I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry."

"I'm fine." I gasped. "Happens all the time. Not your fault."

"We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we?" Jacob said. "Neither one of us can hold our shape together right."

"Pathetic," I agreed, still breathless.

"At least we have each other," he said, clearly comforted by the thought.

I was comforted too. "At least there's that," I agreed. I glanced at Jacob's face. His expression was one of determination. I suppose i should have realise what he was going to do sooner. His fingers caught my chin and then before I could protest him lips were on mine. He kissed me angrily, roughly but passionately. His hand held the back of my neck. I tried to push against his chest, push him off of me but he didn't even seem to notice my attempts to escape. I tried again, he seemed to notice this time but it only made him try harder. His lips forced mine apart. His breath hot in my mouth. He was on fire. So warm... He seemed to ease up on my lips a little while his hands found my waist and crushed my whole body against his. I balled my hands into fists grabbing the material of his shirt. I meant to push him away but he mistook it as me responding and before I knew it he was everywhere. So hot against my skin so impulsive and passionate. I found to my horror that my body had all but given up the fight against him. There was a heat in me that I couldn't explain.

This was wrong. Jacob wasn't Edward. I loved Edward I couldn't live without him... But something about this raw passion being wanted this way...was comforting. It distracted me from the pain. Like a drug...like alcohol, Jacob Black was my distraction from everything that was real and painful. There was no question, if Edward and I had never been Jacob and I would have. I did love him. Maybe not like I did Edward...but Edward wasn't coming back. What was so wrong with making Jacob happy and trying to be happy myself...after all that's what Edward wanted wasn't it? Me to move on. Pretend he never existed. And Jacob Black was the only thing that could distract me and make me happy.

I vaguely wondered at what point of my debating with myself I had started kissing him back, clinging to him, pulling him closer. His kissed wandered from my lips across my jaw and neck. His hands started roaming up and down my sides.

"Bella..." he all but growled in my ear, nuzzling my neck.

"Make the pain go away Jake..." I whispered quietly pulling away slightly. That was all the invitation he needed. He climbed out of the car and lifted me out of the car after him. He carried me over to a small sofa in the corner of the garage. He leant over me and continued to kiss me softer than before but still with the same passion. His hands found their way under my shirt lifting it up to expose first my stomach which he covered in kisses before pushing it further up and lifting it over my head. My bra was the next to go. Immediately his focus shifted to my neck and breasts. Before I realised what I was doing I found myself tugging at his shirt also. He leant up and helped me remove it, causing me to blush at my half nakedness. The redness of my face only got worse as the reality of what we were doing and about to do sunk it.

Jacob smiled my favourite smile when he saw my blush. He moved back to kissing my lips, reassuring me.

Before I realised the rest of our clothes were long gone and his hot skin was pressed into mine. It scorched me. His hands were all over me. He was so hot and passionate and loving. I knew this was wrong, but it felt right. If Edward wasn't coming back why shouldn't I try to be happy...

Bella's POV

I woke up the next morning when I hear Charlie leave the house for work. I covered my face with my hands and blushed to myself a little. The memories of Jacob and I on his couch came flooding into my mind. It had been wonderful. I remember after being curled up on the couch relaxing with him. Before we had to hurriedly had to get dressed as Jacob informed me Quil and Embry were on their way. I hung around for a bit before I headed home much to Jake's dismay. He had wanted me to stay until after they had left so we could talk about what happened. I suppose that was another reason I had left.

I sounded so horrible. I did love Jacob but that didn't mean I was ready to be boyfriend and girlfriend with him. I sat up thoughtfully before dropping my head into my hands. I didn't feel ready to be in a relationship with him but I was happy enough to get all physical with him less than twenty-four hours ago. How could I explain that to him? It sounded so stupid.

I guess what I meant was that I love Jacob but I don't want to get serious with him because I was still holding out hope that Edward would come back to me. I was so naive. I was insane. I was in love. The problem was I was in love with more than one person. And neither of them were exactly human either which made things all the more complicated. She carried the secrets of both.

I shook my head and got up. I had to get dressed and get my head clear.

Jacob POV

I woke up late. The covers were barely on me, they were mostly screwed up and on the floor. Then a huge smug grin slipped onto my face. I had made a move on Bella, and she had let me. In fact I expected her to run away and instead I got more than I ever dreamt I would. OK, so actually I'd dreamt about it but never dreamt it would actually happen. She was so soft and small in my arms. A certain part of my body made me aware of how much I enjoyed yesterday. I would do anything for it to happen again.

First I would need a shower and then I would call Bella. It was a shame she managed to escape thanks to Quil and Embry turning up but I could question her today. She couldn't escape me forever.

Bella POV

After I'd showered and had breakfast I was going to call Jacob but decided against it. I went for a walk and found myself at the spot Edward had left me. I decided that walking was a bad idea as it just reminded me of Edward. So I headed back to my truck and decided facing Jacob in La Push was easier than thinking about Edward.

Why did he have to leave? He promised to stay as long as I asked him to. Now he promised it would be as if he never existed. But how could it ever be like he never existed. He was useless at keeping his promises.

I stopped my truck outside the Black's house. Jacob was straight out to greet me.

"Hey Bells." He called. "I was just trying to call you. I was starting to think you were avoiding me!"

"No, I'm not avoiding you." I replied dumbly. "I'm a little embarrassed, but I'm not mad or anything."

"Aw, don't be embarrassed Bells." He said, flashing me his best Jacoby smile. I couldn't help but smile. "I would ask for a repeat but I bet I'd get a slap."

"If you asked like that you'd be right." I said. "I don't know exactly what we are Jake but can't we just...not pretend it never happened but go back to normal and see what happens..."

"I was hoping you'd say something like that." He grinned, reaching out and hugging me. "Well, declaring love for me and wanting to be my girlfriend would've been great but what I meant was. I was hoping you wouldn't push me away or not know how to act. I just want you to be your normal wonderful self."

"OK deal." I smiled up at him. We were interrupted by a howl. Jacob tensed.

"I'd better go see what Sam wants...do you want to wait inside?"

"Actually, I think I'll take a walk down the beach." I replied. I wasn't sure I was ready to be alone in his room or anything with him yet.

"Sure sure. I'll come find you after OK?" he asked, but he didn't really wait for an answer before walking into the trees out of sight to strip down and phase.

I headed down the beach. The sound of the water was calming. The sky was so clear. I looked up at the gulls around the cliff tops. This drew my attention to the cliff tops. I looked at my clothes. I figured they were sensible enough. So I climbed to the top of the cliff. Maybe this would help me hear Edward again. If nothing else I would for a moment feel free. Like flying... I looked at the water below me and took a few steps backwards. I took a deep breath and ran to the edge and jumped.

Alice POV

I was gasped as a vision hit me. One I did not expect. I saw Bella. I saw her jumping from a cliff. Then I saw her surrounded by water. I saw her struggling. Then it went blank. What had happened? Was she dead? I didn't think so, or rather I didn't feel like she was, but why else would she suddenly vanish? I felt terrible. I had to tell Edward...

Jacob POV

Where was she? I couldn't find her anywhere. Then I saw something fighting in the water. My blood ran cold. No! Bella! My Bella! I jumped into the water and headed towards her. At first she pushed me away, almost as if she was fighting someone. But then she gave in and I tugged her towards the water edge. By the time I laid her on the rocks she wasn't breathing. I push against her chest a few times before trying to remember what to do next. I tilted her head and breathed into her. Almost instantly she started to cough. I pulled away as she jerked up coughing up a mouthful of water. I held her to me in relief. I wanted to cry and scream and shout.

"Bella! Bella what were you thinking?" I screamed at her. "How could you even think of doing something like that alone!"

"Jake..." she whispered, her eyes looking up at me questioningly.

"Why didn't you wait for me? Or anybody for that matter." I asked.

"Jake?" she asked, still looking up at me. "I'm cold." I lifted her up into my arms and held her close to me. I heard her sighing and nuzzling into me. I was glad right then that I was so warm. I headed back home as fast as I could. I got inside and placed her on my bedroom floor. I went to the bathroom and came back with a warm towel for her. I turn my back while she undressed and wrapped herself in the towel.

"I'll just go and hang these out for you..." I said, trying not to look at her knelt on my bedroom floor in just a towel. If I did I was afraid I might pounce on her. I quickly went and hung her clothes and my own on the line outside. I went back in and found myself some pants before heading back to the bedroom. I dug around in the room for a t-shirt for her to wear. I was going to find some shorts for her but my t-shirt easily reached her knees so it wasn't really necessary.

"Jake?" she asked, almost a whisper. I turned to her. "Will you hold me?" She didn't need to ask twice. I bent and lifted her into my arms before I settled us both on the bed. I wrapped my arms around her and pressed her firmly into my body.

"Are you feeling any warmer?" I asked. She nodded, but her eyes were closed. She just nuzzled further into me and I felt her relax. I could lay like this with her forever. My Bella.

Author's notes: ok that's the first chapter. Wheels are set in motion for Edwards return. And bella and Jacob are getting close once again. If you like it please rate it or review it xx


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: Thanks for the people who rated. It came to my attention that Jacob seems to keep jumping in and out of character. I'm going to try to work on that so bare with me. So keep reading and reviewing. I'm going to try and keep my updates regular so you don't have to wait long.

Part Two

Alice POV

Edward was driving more like a madman than usual. I knew he was desperate to know something but desperate not to at the same time. I hadn't seen anything since she disappeared. That wasn't a good sign. Although there were other things that could stop me from seeing her such as the werewolves...but she had been a blank since yesterday morning.

I had waited an hour before I told Edward what I had seen. I somehow managed to convince him to wait another couple of hours before heading this way. Now we were nearly here and he had gotten more and more crazed by the minute. He had left to protect her and now look what had happened. I told him he was being an idiot and I didn't see things ending well that way...

Jacob POV

Billy knocked on my door but didn't wait for an answer before coming in. He didn't look very surprised to find Bella still asleep in my arms. I couldn't help but flash him a grin.

"I'm going to the Clearwater's." He told me. Then he left. I looked down at Bella. She had slept since yesterday lunchtime. She looked so peaceful. I breathed in the scent of her hair and held her tighter. She stirred and rolled to face me. She didn't open her eyes just buried her face into my chest. I could get used to this but something told me it wasn't going to be as easy as that.

Then she looked up at me with sleepy eyes. If I wasn't going to get to be with her properly I was sure as hell going to make the most of this.

Bella POV

One minute I was staring up at Jacob, smiling my favourite smile. The next his lips crushed into mine and his body pressed against mine completely. I couldn't stop the moan that escaped my throat as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. How did he manage to do this to me? Was it like this with all men? Or just the ones that weren't human. Jacob's kisses were different but just as good as Edwards.

I vaguely wondered why I kept comparing them when they were just too different to compare. Edward's kisses were cold but made me feel hot at the same time. Jacob was like fire. Edward touched my soul, Jacob made me melt. It wasn't long before I couldn't think enough to continue my comparisons. I was lost in a sea of Jacob. My Jacob.

His hands were all over me and I found that mine were running up his huge arms and shoulders. I felt his hand sliding up my thigh under the shirt I was wearing. Everywhere his hands touched burned. I knew he was deliberately taking in my scent but it seemed to only arouse him further.

He licked and kisses at the skin on my neck as his fingers slid inside me, drawing out a straggled gasp from my throat. Drew his mouth to mine and lost myself in the warmth that was my Jacob. Moments later his weight shifted and I felt him probing at my entrance, my hips gaining a mind of their own as they seemed to strain towards him trying to bring us together.

"Jake…" I whispered. He knew what I wanted and in a heartbeat I felt him fill me, stretch me around him but I loved every moment of it. I reveled in every feeling as he began to trust into me to give us both what we wanted and it didn't take long for my gasps and moan of pleasure to gain volume from the building pleasure. Almost immediately after my orgasm took control of my body I felt Jake shuddering from his own causing us both to collapse back into the mattress. My body was relaxed and satisfied with Jacob led with his face against my stomach and arms around my waist.

We had led like that only for a while before I got dressed into my own clothes from yesterday. Jacob found me a jacket as it was raining. He walked with me to my truck and kissed me goodbye.

"I love you Bella." He said. "Drive safe."

"Love you, Jake." I replied easily. It wasn't a lie but I knew I probably shouldn't have said it. I didn't want him to think that we were a definitely thing. My problem was...I gave away my heart already. I wasn't sure I could love like that again. He seemed to realise my indecision.

"Sure,sure." He said casually. "You'd better be home before Charlie wakes up. Or he'll probably come up to arrest me." I smiled and started the engine and waved goodbye as I drove off.

Charlie wasn't in when I got back. I knew he would probably be mad when he got in. I went upstairs to shower. I relaxed easily under the warm water of the shower beating against my skin. Eventually I knew I had to get out of the shower and get something to eat. I walked to my room towel wrapped around me and clothes in my hand.

Once in my room I sorted my clothes into the wash basket and put Jacob's jacket on the back of the door. Then something caught my eye. Something that shouldn't be there. Someone that shouldn't be there.

I stared to my window sill. He hadn't been there a moment ago. What was he doing here?

I couldn't move. I could barely even breathe. I looked at those beautiful golden eyes. That pale skin...that tortured look. Before I could move Edward crushed me to him. Holding me tightly.

"You're alright" he whispered. I could hear the relief in his voice and wondered why he thought I wouldn't be. Actually it seemed ironic that all those times I wasn't alright and he never came...but now that I was alright, getting on with my life, now he shows up. "What happened Bella?" What happened was you went away...

"Edward?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper, although I knew he would hear it with no problem.

"Yes Bella I'm here." He said, pulling back slightly to look at my face. "Alice saw...and we thought that...Bella I thought you were dead." They thought I was dead? He leaves me in the woods, leaves me alone, leave me to Laurent, the motorbikes all of that and now he comes back.

"I don't understand." I replied. "What did Alice see?"

"She saw you drowning Bella, and then you disappeared. We thought the worst." He said, still clinging onto me. I could still barely believe he was here holding me, but gradually I began to understand what had happened.

"She saw me cliff diving?" I asked.

"Cliff diving?" he asked, looking somewhat annoyed. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I jumped of the cliffs at La Push only...I couldn't seem to swim to shore but Jacob saved me." I explained, a little hesitant to touch on the subject of Jacob and I.

"I knew I could smell dog." He muttered, glancing towards Jacob's jacket. "So that's why you disappeared..." He turned and took a few steps towards the window.

"No, wait! Don't go!" I cried out grabbing his arm. He turn back to me and smiled for the first time since he'd been here. My heart skipped at the sight of it.

"I just need to explain to Alice." He said. "I didn't know if she had managed to see that you're alright." He put his hand into his pocket for his mobile to call Alice.

"Sorry." I said a little embarrassed.

"So you should be but not about that." He replied, before Alice answered his call. "Alice?...You saw...good...yes...alright..." Then he hung up. I looked at him waiting for him to explain.

"She saw." I said.

"Yes, she wants you to come to ours later this evening. Everyone is coming back." He said. "not right away but they're all heading back this way." I suddenly realised I was still only in my towel and blushed a little. Normally I would have turned completely scarlet but somehow after having Jacob see me naked this seemed like nothing in comparison.

"I'd better just go change." I said sheepishly. Edward smiled widely and dazzled me.

"Now that I missed." He said, stroking my rosy cheek. He was so close. I wanted to lean up and press my lips against his. My stomach growled and interrupted the moment. "and that. I'll go make you something if you want so you can get changed."

"You don't have to do that." I replied.

"I want to." He said simply. Then I was alone in my room again. As soon as he was gone I felt guilt. Jacob crept his way into my mind. What exactly was I supposed to do now? I didn't deserve either of them. I picked out a dark pair of jeans and dark blue jumper.

I sat on my bed for a moment. Edward was the man/vampire I was completely in love with. I had been missing part of myself when he was gone. Jacob had been the best friend that had gradually started to piece me together again. How could I hurt Jacob the same way Edward had hurt me? Wouldn't Jacob be the easier choice anyway? I sighed. Giving up I went downstairs to face one of the most important men in my life.

Edward made me sit and eat the eggs and toast he made for me. It always surprised me how well he cooked for someone who didn't eat.

"So you're staying?" I asked uncomfortably.

"At the moment I don't know." He replied, at least he was being honest. "Fill me in on what I've missed. What on earth had you jumping off of a cliff? You know you have a habit of attracting danger in the first place. Why go looking for it?"

"Do you really care?" I asked harshly. I was happy he was back but it annoyed me that he was acting almost as if he never left.

"Of course I care Bella! That is why I am here!" he replied.

"You left. You left me to move on and live my life and I was." I replied. "Did Alice not see anything that happened? Not even when Laurent came back? When I crash my motorcycle? Nothing?"

"I had no idea." He replied, frowning, probably because of the motorcycle comment. "I had no idea Laurent would come back for you. I'm sorry. I should have realised it was too late."

"Too late?"

"You already know about us. You have already become involved with our lives. Us leaving wouldn't remove you from the danger...I just wanted to try to protect you." He sounded so heartbroken. He took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. "I don't ever expect you to forgive me but I promise I will try my very hardest to make it up to you."

Before I could answer there was a banging on the front door. I knew by Edward's reaction it had to be Jacob. I went to let him in. I had only just about opened the door when he came bursting into the house.

"I knew you'd be here!" he shouted. "How dare you show your face here again?" He shoved Edward against the kitchen wall.

"Jake stop!" I screamed. He let go of him but the yelling continued.

"I thought she was dead" Edward replied. "I had to come and find out...save her if I could."

"Well too late leech! I did that part for you!" he growled.

Edward POV

I cringed as Jacob's memories flashed back to that moment he couldn't find her and then pulling her from the water.

"and I'm grateful for that." I replied.

"You think you can just turn up and things be like they were before?" he growled at me. Images of Bella doubled over crying. Not leaving her room. Sat with Jacob. Him kissing her. Her kissing him back. Jacob was deliberately showing me what I had missed. Finishing with her straddling him moaning his name. I tried very hard to keep my face from betraying my hurt. Ultimately she had done what I wanted her to, what I told her to. She had moved on. However I had planning for that to be with a normal human boy not a werewolf. I should have known Bella would naturally be drawn to the supernatural.

"I don't expect it to go back to what it was. Ultimately whatever happens is her choice." I said, my voice cold.

Bella POV

I saw a flash of pain in Edward's eyes and instantly I knew that he knew everything that had happened since he left. I felt so guilty. I felt like a dirty cheat. I didn't wait for Edward and I had now involved Jake in this mess too. To top it off I loved them both.

"Jake. Please go back to La Push. Tell the others that the Cullen's are heading back, but the treaty is still in tact. I need to talk to Edward." I said. "I will speak to you later, I promise." Jacob didn't even say goodbye he just turned and walked out.

I headed upstairs and Edward followed. I sat on my bed and he sat next to me. I think he only sat to make me feel less awkward, since I knew he didn't need to. I didn't even know where to start.

"We need to talk-" I started.

"I know about you and Jacob, love." He interrupted. "If that's what you want I won't stop you. I told you to move on. I left you I understand that."

I didn't know where to start or what to say. This was going to be an awkward conversation.

Edward POV

I could see what she was trying to say. She wanted to explain whatever her relationship with Jacob was and probably apologise a million times.

"I feel so awful." She muttered. "You weren't here..." I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her warm body.

"I told you to move on Bella. I'm not mad." I told her. "I admit it was not pleasant seeing it through Jacob's eyes but I understand Bella. He was there for you."

"But we're not even together...I don't really know what we are." She sighed. "I just couldn't resist it."

"I know, love. There are things that you needed that I couldn't give you. That couldn't have helped." I told her. "I just want you to be happy and safe. Even if you choose him, even if I have to share you, would and I'd be grateful. Bella after being without you, after believing you were gone and I'd never see you again...even being in the same room talking to you is something I am grateful for. I love you."

I lifted her chin and placed a kiss on her nose. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and I couldn't help but lean down to kiss her. Her lips were so warm against my own. She sighed softly into the kiss and as I drew back she pushed forward. She started to kiss me back and I knew I should stop. I allowed her a few more moments before pulling away.

"Please..." she whispered. I wasn't sure what she was pleading for. Bella gave in then and sobs shock her body. I held her while she cried, not knowing how best to comfort her in this strange situation.

"Bella love, tell me everything I've missed." I said leaning us both back to lay on her bed.

"You already know most of it." She mumbled. I lifted her fact to look at me.

"I want to hear your version." I replied. "Tell me everything."

"I tried to follow you, you know. I gave up in the end, I just led, curled up on the ground. I felt like I was dying. It was Sam Uley that found me. I don't remember much of the following months. I remember going to your house. I knew there was no one there but I was too scared to even look through the window. I didn't know what would be worse, seeing it completely empty or seeing the furniture and everything there just as I had last seen it. I would look for you at school. I couldn't walk in the woods...everything reminded me of you. I just felt empty. Eventually my dad convinced me to start interacting with people again." She smiled slightly at this. "I started spending time at La Push. It was the only place that didn't remind me of you. I did hear your voice though, a few times, as clear in my head as if you had been stood right next to me. When I was riding the motorcycle for the first time I heard it. I don't know why I got them in the first place I just had to get them. Jacob fixed them up for me. I lost control and came off the first go. Even Jacob didn't want me back on a motorcycle for some time after that. I suppose you know how he's felt since the beginning...he helped make me myself again."

Bella POV

Edward just continued to lay there while I explained the things that he had missed. I knew the part I would find most difficult to explain was next.

"I don't really know quite how it happened. I'm so sorry Edward." I said.

"Don't be sorry love. I want to know. I would like to know please. Everything..." he whispered to me.

"I'm not sure I can but...he kissed me. To start with I was pushing away but he kept kissing me and then I was kissing him back. I don't really know how we ended up getting...so carried away. I think it was a mixture of things. I do love him. Not the same as I love you, but I do love him. It was also a great distraction. When your hormones take over your mind it becomes very hard to think. I felt free..." I hesitated before I continued. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. "there was no being careful or having to stop. I guess that's why things went as far as they did. This morning I told him I loved him. But I think he knew I didn't mean it as much as he would like."

"So how do you love him?" Edward asked impulsively.

"I'm not sure. He's my best friend but there is something more to it. I suppose I could've have been very happy with him. I would have been able to love him like he wants." I replied.

"But now I've ruined it by coming back here..." he sighed sadly.

"No, that isn't what I meant. I mean...when I fell in love with you Edward...I gave you my heart completely. I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone else as much as I love you. No matter where you are or whether we're together." I murmured. "If you hadn't turned up I suppose Jake and I would have eventually become an item properly. I would love him and be happy but I would never love him like I love you. The problem now is...I wish things could just be like they were before but it's not that easy is it. You promised you'd stay with me as long as I wanted you to. Then you left. You seem to be pretty useless at keeping promises Edward. Also...I don't know if I can go back to being...careful all the time."

"I guess I understand that too." He said sadly. "I'm not sure what the situation with my control is now. I can't promise you anything in that department. However thinking I'd lost you for good does tend to shift your perspective on things."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well I thought I'd lost you Bella. If you were gone I wanted my existence to be over. So the thought of anything that might result in that terrifies me. Being around you is easy now. I'm not saying that I would be able to do the things that Jacob can, but being around you, kissing you and holding you are easier." He explained. I blushed heavily when he mentioned me and Jacob. How could he stay so composed while discussing the woman he loves having sex with someone else?

As if to prove his point he rolled over so that he was slightly on top of me and kissed me. He allowed me to kiss him back and then kissed me harder, pulled me to him instead of pushing me away. I did have to come to an end though as at least one of us can't go without oxygen indefinitely. I sighed in disappointment when he didn't kiss me again.

"I'm not pulling away because I don't want to Bella. Believe me I do want to." He whispered. "But I think you need to find out what it is you want as well."

Edward left in the afternoon before Charlie got home. As it turned out Charlie wasn't mad. Jacob had called to explain we had gone for a walk and I had tripped and fallen over the cliff edge, which he believed because let's face it he knew me. He told Charlie he'd pulled me out of the water and that after I'd dried off I fell asleep. So Charlie wasn't worried at all.

I called Jake to let him know I wasn't ignoring him now just because Edward was back and told him I'd come see him tomorrow.

Then I was in my truck heading to the Cullen's house. As I reached the turning I stopped. I had come up here so many times...to find it quiet and empty. It was too hard to believe they were really back. I took a deep breath and continued up the track. I looked up at the house and couldn't help but feel a rush of relief when I saw lights on inside.

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Author's Notes: ok so there you go. Bella's tempted by Edward but still doesn't know what to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Yay! I have ratings! I would love a review or two. So here's hoping xx

Part Three

Bella POV

The house was almost the same as I remembered it. It was just missing some of the personal items. I imagined that although most of the furniture remained here their bedrooms were a little more empty. It didn't actually surprise me that most of the furnishings remained here. If they really were the same coven from the Quillette legends then they probably came and went several times over the years, just with big enough gaps so that no one would remember them. I guess they just packed up their personal belongings and took them with them. It wouldn't surprise me if there was still clothes in all the wardrobes either.

Alice ran to hug me the moment I came through the door. Even Jasper had given me a very brief hug. He still looked uncomfortable around me though. I saw a light on in the kitchen and moments later Esme came out to embrace me. She hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek.

"We're so glad you're alright, Bella." She said. I saw Carlisle coming down the stairs. He smiled warmly.

"Welcome Bella." He said. "It's good to see you again." I felt a something wash over me. I warm loving feeling. I briefly wondered if it was Jasper but then I realised it was the feeling of being here, with the Cullens...like we were one big happy family. Although that wasn't exactly true, it felt real enough.

"It's good to see all of you as well." I said. "This is a surprise."

"Well Esme and I arrived back about an hour ago. Rosalie and Emmet will be here in a few days I think. They were living separate for a little while." He explained.

"They were having some alone time." Esme added. I blushed slightly understanding exactly what she meant.

Edward had allowed me to greet everyone else until now. He came up behind me and put his arms around me. I wanted to shiver from his coldness and sigh from the comfort. I had missed this.

We all sat around the front room almost as if they had never left. Edward played to us on the piano, Esme brought me out some cookies. I vaguely wondered when they had the time to go and buy food. I assumed they must have done it on the way here or Alice had already taken care of it. It occurred to me that they did little things like that just for me.

Suddenly Edward jumped up from his seat.

"No." He said firmly, looking directly at Alice and Carlisle who had been talking in the corner.

"Calm down Edward it was mearly another option." Carlisle said. The funny thing was they were looking at me and I suddenly felt like I had missed something very important. I looked around for an explanation.

"They were discussing whether it would be better if you were a vampire." Edward said. My heart skipped a little. That's what I wanted, wasn't it? I couldn't help but think of Jacob. I knew he would find it very difficult to talk to me if I was a vampire. I think he would come round at a while but it would be harder. Then again at least I wouldn't be such a risk all the time. Victoria was still out there somewhere. She had sworn revenge and escaped the wolves when they had followed her. Would she come back for me like Laurent had? Somehow I already knew the answer to that, probably just because I knew what my luck was like.

"Edward it was just an idea we're not planning on condemning her soul just yet don't overreact." Alice chided. "I saw her Edward. One of us. I just don't know when or where. It was very vague."

"I want to." I said quietly. They all looked at me, including Edward who looked furious. "By all accounts...I should probably be dead by now. What happens when my luck runs out?"

"I will protect you." Edward said.

"Don't you want me to be happy Edward? Don't you want to be with me forever?" I asked.

"Of course I do but...is a lifetime not enough for you?" he asked, coming to me and holding my hands.

"You cannot expect me to grow old and die while you stay seventeen forever Edward. How will I ever be happy that way?" I whispered.

"You cannot give your life and soul up for me." He replied firmly.

"I want to. If you won't I will make one of the others." I said. They all looked a little sheepish. "Carlisle would do it." Edward flashed a look at Carlisle and then after a moment back to me.

"Traitor." He muttered. I assumed he meant Carlisle but I did wonder if he could mean me. "Bella you have so much to live for. Be with Jacob if you want to just don't ask me to watch your life be taken away. I would even share you if that's what it took."

"Edward that's not what I want. This isn't about him or you. This is about me." I said. "I don't want to be the only one who gets old. I don't want to be the one that needs protecting all the time. I don't want to be waiting for another vampire who isn't a "vegetarian" to come along and think of me as a nice snack. Can we vote on it?"

"No." Edward growled.

"Carlisle?" I asked.

"Yes." He said, throwing Edward an apologetic look. I glanced to Esme.

"Of course. I would love for you to be part of our family Bella." She said. Edward growled.

"Yes" Alice said. Edward was staring at Jasper as if desperately begging him. From his look I knew Jasper was undecided.

"Jasper?" I asked.

"For your safety and ours...yes." he said.

"No!" Edward shouted leaving the room. I wondered what Rosalie and Emmet would vote when they got here.

"I would advise waiting until you finish school though Bella. For the sake of secrecy." Carlisle said. I nodded slowly. I could wait that long.

So I wouldn't be the only one getting old. I would be able to protect myself. That thought was quite empowering. Now I just had to choose my future. Was it going to be with Jacob or Edward. Although there would be a larger complication with Jacob if I was a vampire. I certainly wouldn't be welcome in La Push anymore.

Edward POV

I saw her standing in the doorway. I knew she was coming of course but I still stared at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world. To me she was. I wasn't sure I could convince her to change her mind, but I was sure as hell going to try. I walked towards her and took her hands, leading her into my room.

"I'm sorry Edward." She said.

"But you're not changing your mind." I replied, not really asking. I brought her to the couch and curled up on it with her.

"It's safer for everyone." She said softly. "And it's what I want." I kissed her head, losing myself in the scent of her hair.

"Isn't there anything else you want? To settle down, get married have children?" I asked. "You have a whole future to live."

"I can live without those things. I've never really had a great desire to have children or get married." She replied calmly. "There are things I will miss I am not denying that, Charlie and my mum for one. But a future of avoiding death is not a future at all."

I lifted her chin and kissed her. I could think of no other way of convincing her except the one thing I knew she wanted. The one _human _thing I knew she wanted. I just hoped I wasn't overestimating my control. Luckily I had hunted this afternoon while waiting for her to come here. It was the only thing that could distract me from her.

I felt her kissing back eagerly and so I kissed her harder. I knew she was waiting for me to pull away so I did, but only to lean her back on the couch and then I pressed my lips to hers again. She gasped in surprise and I could tell she was confused. I slid my tongue into her mouth and heard myself groan. She tasted even better than she smelt. I leant over her and ran my hands up and down her body. I ran my hand up inside her top stroking the skin at her sides. I pulled away again knowing that she at least needed air. I looked into her eyes but didn't move my hands from her.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking..." I whispered. "You have to tell me..."

"I'm thinking, please don't stop." She replied. She was nearly trembling beneath me and I knew it wasn't because she was cold. I didn't move. I saw resolve in her eyes and she reached her hands up to my chest. I felt them run down my stomach and back up, tugging my shirt with them. I let go of her to allow her to remove my shirt. Her warms hands running along my bare chest we incredible. I leant down to kiss her again. I could smell her arousal. It was nearly as intoxicating as the smell of her blood. I kissed down her neck but I wanted more of her skin…

Bella POV

This was incredible. So incredible I almost didn't believe it was happening. I had wanted this for so long. I still expected him to pull away at any moment and start apologizing.

Edward POV

My Bella. How could I not have realized what I was missing all this time.

Bella POV

I woke up in the morning and I was cold...I could feel Edward's arm draped over me. I had the feeling that something was missing and I didn't like that feeling. Edward was awake and I knew he knew I was awake. I sat up slowly and he lifted his arm away to give me more space.

"Good morning beautiful." He said.

"How can you say that?" I asked, feeling my hair stuck up in all directions.

"You're only human Bella." He replied, smiling widely. "I'll go make you something to eat so you can get yourself sorted, any requests?"

"No just anything will do, thanks." I told him climbing off of the sofa realising I was still naked. I lifted the blanket to cover myself. Edward leaned over to kiss me briefly before leaving the room.

I went to his en suite to shower quickly. I found plenty of clean soft white towels hung in the bathroom and wrapped myself up in one. It was huge and covered me from my shoulders past my knees. I snuggled in it for a while before I put my clothes except my ruined bra on. I straightened my hair as best as I could. I turned to leave the room to see Alice in the doorway.

"Don't you dare." She chided. "Here. You will wear these." I looked at the small pile of clothes she held out to me. I noticed a hair brush and some make up on the top.

"Alice, I couldn't..." I started. She pushed the pile into my arms.

"Sshh! I won't hear it." She replied. "Learn to accept gifts already!" She turned and left before I could protest anymore.

I began to investigate the pile of clothes. She had my size exactly right, even my bra size. I stripped back down and replaced my clothes with the new ones Alice had given me. The bra and underwear where black and fairly simple with just a few flowers and vines stitched in black cotton over the cups of the bra and front of the underwear. Alice had obviously resisted the temptation to get something daring that I would be embarrassed to wear.

Next was the pair of black jeans and loose royal blue top, which hung off my shoulders and hung loosely around my figure. I had to admit she had a talent, the top was slimming and flattering. Then there was a large black belt with a large silver buckle and a black beaded necklace.

I was definitely grateful for the hair brush as I managed to tame my hair, but I wasn't so sure on the make-up. I did use it however to put a light coat of grey eye shadow and mascara on. I knew it wasn't the effect Alice was aiming for but it was hopefully enough not to offend her. I did feel bad that I didn't properly thank her.

When I entered the kitchen I went straight to Alice and hugged her.

"Thank you Alice." I said.

"Do you like it?" she asked, smiling.

"of course I do, you're brilliant." I replied. She beamed at me. I looked at Edward who was just pushing some omelets onto a plate for me.

"You look stunning." He said. "but you always look stunning, and I am biased."

I sat to the counter and started to eat. I kissed his cheek to say thank you. Suddenly there was a loud bang. The funny thing is I was the only one who looked surprised. I looked at everyone else and they hadn't moved. I almost thought I had imagining it.

"Emmett." Edward said, not even looking up from his book.

"Emmett and Rosalie are here already?" I asked.

"I'm sorry we can go again if you want." Emmett said, in his loud booming voice.

"No, I'm sorry, I was just surprised." I replied. "Carlisle said it would be a few days."

"Me and Rose has a fight so we decided we may as well come here straight away." He told me, as if it answered everything. Rosalie didn't even come in to say hello. She just disappeared upstairs.

"He means since he isn't going to get any he may as well come see us." Edward murmured, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. I blushed heavily.

"But apparently you are!" Emmett shouted, followed by roaring laughter. "Can't say I blame you Edward, Alice has done a pretty good job." I didn't think I could blush anymore than I was, my skin was hot and I must of been the colour of a tomato. This only seemed to make him laugh harder.

That afternoon

I had left the Cullen's house just before lunch because I told Edward I had promised to visit Jacob and explain everything. He seemed to understand this and let me go no questions asked.

I found Jacob at the beach. He hugged me to him and in that one second, feeling his body heat, I remembered every moment we had spent together. I really had to stop doing this.

"Bella?" he asked. "You ok?"

"Yeah, sorry I'm fine." I said. I looked up at him. How could I leave my Jacob? I couldn't choose between the two. How could I? I loved them both. "Hold me, Jake. Keep me warm."

He was more than willing to oblige. We just stood there on the beach for a while. His arms were wrapped tightly round me keeping me warm, his face buried in my hair, my face pressed against his chest.

Author's Notes: Bella is finding that both choices can offer her passion and love. The decision is becoming more and more difficult. Keep reading. And review. Also if you have any twilight fics or your own that you would like me to read and review leave a review and tell me which story i'll be happy to r&r x


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